2009 Drivel Awards

Fellow Drivelites:

As 2009 comes to an end, so does another year of Drivel. As usual, we
are looking for the best of the worst, and our good friend Keane will (I
hope) provide his usual brilliant translation.

So, please send me your best (worst)! Employ your co-creative essence
and fully engage in a movement that is elementally productionising a
unification of driviality!

I don't look forward to reading your submissions at all, but, "no pain,
no gain" as they say. Deadline for submissions is January 30, 2010.

Selina Gasolina (Selina@rogers.com)
2009 Drivel Award Coordinator

For Newbs - the Drivel Awards is a long-standing joke amongst the jolly
"PSI <http://www.psi-spi.com/> " gang, clearly comprised of people with
too much time on their hands. It began when Hubert and I did a contract
for CIDA, and I started gathering examples of painful prose. Hence,
this became an annual game.

The 2008 Drivel Award Winner was the "Lightworker Spiritual Network" for
this long and completely meaningless tripe:

When we unite our focused intent and higher emotions we can together
become a powerful catalyst for elevating the collective consciousness of
our world. We unite Lightworkers from all around the world and become
one in mind, heart and spirit. Lightworkers is a platform where
Lightworkers can connect in an environment that is tolerant and loving.

When we connect together in a unified thought we express our collective
co-creative essence and allow the process of ascension to unfold for all
life. As a Lightworker we simply mean a person who is co-creating a
peaceful and loving world, and there are a many of us!. We know you will
feel at home here and understand that you are a part of a world wide
movement that is co-creating an alternative way of life for humanity and
our loving world that we share. Lightworkers, we honor you. For we are
ONE!

Keane's translation:

"We think we can change the world just by thinking about it real hard,
spouting confused serial synonyms for "unity", and sucking you into our
resulting mental vacuum. Lightworkers is a noun so totally plastic, we
hesitate to call it proper. It means whatever we want it to at the
moment. Which is nice, because we think being unclear about basic
grammatical constructions makes us sound cosmic. We're uncritical
thinkers seeking airheads... if you want to be One, come on down! You'll
love us, we'll love you - and other deep, Barney the Dinosaur-ish
sentiments. "

2008 Runner Up was from the Pseudoscience category from "DNA
Perfection":

But one does not have to wait for science to catch up with a rapidly
evolving humanity in order to begin advancing the functions of their
DNA. Through the processes of bioregenesis, we are removing ancient
blockages within the human anatomy that have been blocking natural DNA
activation, and then we are restoring the Original Organic Imprint for
Health, that is the birthright of our species. We are progressively
reordering portions of the "junk DNA" and stimulating portions of the
DNA into activation.

As translated by Dolores:

If you drive around on Garbage Day, perhaps you can scavange
unstimulated junk DNA. Surely, there are a few airheads of your
acquaintance for whom you would like to assemble brains.

Previous years' winners have been NGOs, Government Agencies, and
Corporations.