Go Wendy - you speak for me

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
feature has to be your revoluti onary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the
only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads
be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month

knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?
I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type,
I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.
Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly
with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'.
Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me

to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak , there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

October 17, World Day to Overcome Extreme Poverty

http://www.oct17.org/tem.php?id_rubrique=343&id_secteur_virtuel=210&lang
=en&annee=2008#creer

If we all choose a simple life of the good things: family, music,
gardening, neighbors, laughter, healthy local food, fresh air and
sunshine - those choices will lead to a better life for our neighbors to
the south. Vote with your wallet and your two feet. Vote to live well
so others can too.

Open Stage - Carleton Tavern

Dean Verger (Rasputin's) is resurrecting the Open Stage at the Carleton
Tavern.

Carleton Tavern
Fourth Thursday of every month
7 pm - Starting October 23.
Yay!

and for Texas tykes there's...

Bullet Proof Baby Stroller!?!

Hard to believe this one
<http://www.bulletproofbaby.net/product_page_stoller.html> is for real.

"My baby survived a freak hunting accident last fall
thanks to this amazing bullet proof stroller.. We all feared the worst
but my darling Trevor was unharmed. Highly recommended!"

Stacey Weaver, Texas

Gee, Stacey - maybe babies and guns don't mix? Or is Texas so gun crazy
on the right to arm bears that it extends to Trevor's Teddies?

I was thinking maybe the neighbour's toddler would like to join us out
in the bush this fall to help bag a deer for the freezer. So much for
that plan; the bullet proof stroller is SOLD OUT.

Avast ye maties!

AAArrrrr maties. Today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day.
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Get in touch with your inner bucaneer, and get ye some bootie.

Sex Causes Economic Growth

Oh, yes. we all knew it, but this here guy did the homework and it's actually true. Once again, trust your gut.
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/2008/08/sex-causes-economic-growth.html

Sulphites

Here is my standard answer to newbies with Sulphite allergy....

Here are some very helpful links that you can check out for sulphite
allergy information.

http://www.sulphite.ca/index.html

http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/securit/allerg/fa-aa/allergen_sulphites-sul
fites-eng.php

http://allergies.about.com/od/foodallergies/a/sulfites.htm

My rule of thumb is "eat simple or make it yourself". If it has a list
of ingredients, one of the sub-ingedients (which they DON'T have to
list) is probably a sulphiting agent.

Exeptions:

Beer from Big Rock or Wellington, or Labatts Blue.
Annie's salad dressings.
Bagel Ottawa or Kettleman bagels only (see the small bakery rule).
President's choice tortillas.

Other handy things I've learned that they don't tell you in the
handouts:

* Produce that has travelled a long way has been field sprayed
before packing with sulphites so that it gets here looking fresh. Eat
stuff from here as much as possible.
* Cheap frozen seafood has sulphites. Always.
* Anything with the ingredient "spices" is downright evil.
* Food from China lies about what's in there. Please tell me
you're not surprised.
* Food from Japan never has sulphites - it's not legal to use them
there.
* In store bakeries at supermarkets get the dough in buckets. It
all has sulphites. It's not listed.
* Small bakeries don't store buckets of dough for weeks at a time,
and they don't use sulphites. Small is beautiful. The bread is better
anyway.
* Don't believe people in call centres when you call the 800
number and they tell you everything is listed. They don't know what's
in there either.
* Spice "mixes" are evil. Just buy the basic dried leaves and
crap and make your own (but not the bottles in the supermarkets with the
grey-green lids).
* Anything that has been dehydrated that is a little shriveled up
version of some fruit or vegetable is evil. Doubley so if it's been
powdered.
* A single spoonful of Sherrif Mashed Potato mix has more
sulphites than any other single item in the world (I know that, NOW).
* Processed meats are evil - especially ham.
* Choose chocolate bars that don't have caramel. Ditto for ice
cream. Rolo is the enemy.
* Don't even think about McDonalds. There is nothing in there you
can eat, including the bread. Enjoy your milk. Would you like some
milk with that?
* No Oreo cookies. I'm sorry. Ditto for all packaged factory
cookies.
* Miss Vicky's chips are Ok, and so are the PC Taco chips... Lays
are sort of Ok...but plain only. Pringles, Doritos, Tostidos are not.
Weird orange cheezies? Really, what do you think?
* No Cola. It has caramel. It's weird anyway, and you already
knew that.
* Nothing with corn syrup. It's in more things than you think.

The good thing is that real food is tastier and better for you anyway.
Food with preservatives is old food that somebody made in a factory
weeks ago, and then charged you too much for, or something that some
landless peasant picked on a megafarm mowed into his ancestral
rainforest, which then sat in a truck for two weeks. What's to miss
about that?

Most stuff, like say salad dressing or cookies, has three ingredients,
takes little time to make, and tastes way better when it's made out of
real food.

See the attached email to my MP on the issue of labelling. This is
STILL true.

<<sulphite labelling>>
Take care,

Selina

What the heck are French Nails?

Anything like French Kissing, or French Fries?  Do they deep fry your hands and then give you nails that taste good to encourage you to neck with your own hands?  Is that why models always do that idiotic finger-sucking thing?

and to wear in my terrorist proof cubicle

A bullet-proof hoodie!
BBC NEWS | England | London | Bullet-proof hoodie to go on sale <http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7329892.stm>
No seriously. A little paranoid are we?

Happy New Year!

Today marks the beginning of the year of the Rat. I'm a rat, and so this, according to the superstition, will be a year of industriousness and great gains.

In China, it's not happy festivities for everyone. In Hunan and Jiuxuan provinces, many are trapped, without power or supplies. It is very much like our ice storm several years ago.

http://english.people.com.cn/90001/90776/90882/6351556.html

Good luck to all!

new cubical "prevents blunt trauma"

But does it prevent the trauma caused to us by the blunt? That's another story.<p>

From an article on a "terrorist proof" Cubicle: <p>

In a series of tests, Dr. Gerrard detonated explosives 30 metres from a blast-hardened desk - while rubber dummies sat primly in office chairs. The desk sustained a few scratches. A second blast test, this time detonated at a 20-metre range, caused the desk's drawers to open and one hinge to break, but the Gunnar desk otherwise remained intact.
A regular desk subjected to the same tests, according to the DRDC's report, was "reduced to pieces of shards." Besides conducting the blast tests at Suffield, Gunnar also hired Calgary firefighters to drop slabs of cement and a large cube van on the desks. Each time, the desks ended up with enough room underneath for a person to survive.
One of the keys to his desk's supremacy, Mr. Quigley says, is that the surface is fastened to the floor to stop it from shifting or hurting someone. The Gunnar website lists 14 reasons why the company's office furniture is effective in disasters, including rounded corners to prevent blunt trauma, a survival kit with emergency supplies, and a fire-resistant surface that minimizes fragmentation. Mr. Quigley said the units could also be helpful in the case of an earthquake or hurricane. <p>

http://www.gunnar.ca/pofspage.htm

I want one.

now this should save on the budget..

I don't have to drink any more. This guy is drinking for the both of us.

www.drinkingfortwo.net

avoir du gout pour une vie saine

I'm going to join the ranks of Canadian Anglophones who can carry on a conversation in French, a small but proud group comprising about 7.1% of the Anglos outside Quebec. I must do this. If I want a good public service job in Ottawa, and most of the good jobs are with the public service around here, I better be bilingual. I've tried before. I moved to Trois-Rivier for a whole summer and sweated in a restaurant kitchen so that I can now name items from all the food groups, and say rude things. It's a start. There is a strange demographic around my workplace. If you're not francophone, then you must be from Montreal. Hmm.... No, I'm from that other part of Canada, where French is the language of cereal boxes. There was a Belgian girl I knew in grade 7 who could speak French. The French teacher was Italian. They would speak in English about the differences between French and Italian, because I don't think the French teacher could speak French. By the end of two years of French instruction I could chant verbs, a skill that I have not lost. Je suis, tu est, elle est, nous avon, vous avez... This has never come in handy in the real world. That being said, the opportunity to become bilingual has never been better. There are actually people around here who know what French supposed to sound like. I'm hearing it all the time, and it's making sense. I'm thinking outside the cereal box.

In Praise of Darkness

According to the CBC, engineers somewhere are pondering the great question of how to "electrify the dark continent". Look up, says the author, and praise the beautiful wires that bring you the light, the microwave, the idiot box.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/goinggreen/africa.html
Heaven forbid, the people of Africa should look up and see the Heavens. Blot out those stars.
I think that instead of figuring out how to Light Up the Dark Continent" we should be looking at how the heck to Darkify the Luminescent Continents.
Here's what the earth looks like at night:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/image/0011/earthlights2_dmsp_big.jpg
IS IT BRIGHT ENOUGH FOR YA?
World population without electricity: 1.7 billion
Africa's proportion: one-third
Per capita electricity consumption Africa (2004): 494.9 kWh
Per capita Canada (2004): 15,744 kWh
Now, I'm not suggesting that all the poor people sit around in the dark all the time with no laptops or anything to occupy their evenings. I'm just suggesting that maybe we don't need to go whole hog and turn the world into energy pigs. Remember the hydro crisis a few summers ago? The lights were out on the entire eastern part of North America for a whole night. It proved that we don't need every friggin light on to prevent us all from turning into a bunch of murderous looters. Did you know that the Canadian Environmental Assessment Agency and Environment Canada Buildings have a big blazing light party on every night? Why?
I'm just saying that maybe we could tone it down a little. Darkify a bit. Look up at the sky.
U.N. Recognizes 2009 as International Year of Astronomy. Maybe for 2009 we could all try to be a little more like Africa. What's wrong with being a dark continent?