With friends like this...

Last night, one of my best friends and I were sitting in my living room
and
I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.

Double your size?

I got this email telling me I could double my size in just two weeks.
That would make me 11 feet 4 inches. I think my boyfriend wouldn't like
that.

Debt Clock

Check out this handy item from the Canadian Taxpayers Association that
shows our daily mounting debt. Our legacy will be to expect our kids to
pay for services they never asked for. In two years, the Harper
government will wipe out the debt repayment of the previous 8 years.
Scary movies kiddies.

www.debtclock.ca

James von Brunn - he denied the holocaust, we can't deny the hate

It's easy to forget that hate is real. That people like James von Brunn
can deny the horrible things that were done to Jews and others during
WWII. His shooting at the Holocaust Museum this week reminds us that
there is still much to be done to make sure that toxic ideas are not
spread in our communities, nor to our children. Reading this brought
tears to my eyes. It is a glimpse into a troubled and bitter soul that
you will not forget soon.

http://www.arsenalofhypocrisy.com/blog/?p=463

We mustn't deny that this kind of hate is alive and working it's caustic
effect on the minds of naive, misguided people. We must be vigilant to
educate our children about the holocaust, and other dark times in human
history, so that they can make informed, clear decisions about their own
principles and values. The hatemongers would teach them what to think;
we must teach them how to think for themselves. If we can learn from our
history, then the victims of genicide will not have died in vane.

Tori's Law

You may wish to sign the following petition for Tori's Law, which will
change the criteria that the police use to issue an Amber Alert. As you
may know, an Amber Alert was never issued when Tori Stafford went
missing, because the case did not meet the current criteria.

http://www.petitiononline.com/vict888/petition.html

GM Closing dealerships

Boohoo. As if I care. As if anyone cares.

Let's face it. We ALL hate car salesmen. We hate the stupid cat and
mouse game we have to play at the dealership in order to buy a car. We
hate that some people pay more than other people. We hate having to
call up Uncle Earnest, former linebacker turned teamster, to go and hold
our hand while we try not to get hosed by some slimeball in a suit. We
just want to buy a car.

You can go on line and pick the features and all the things you want,
and you get a price at the end. But if you want to test drive the car,
or ask any questions about it, you're back at the showroom, dealing with
some idiot who listens to motivational tapes on his way to work every
day, and whose socially vacuous, morally bankrupt, greed driven little
brain is now suddenly what's standing between you and the car you want
to buy. This is their marketing plan? Please. No wonder it's tough to
sell a new car these days.

The only reedeeming feature of the dealership is the service department.
Maybe. That's it.

So, why can't I just go to a place that has some cars that I can try,
then go online and pick the colour and the radio and stuff. Then go to
the Service centre to pick it up and do the paperwork. Then go back to
the service centre to get it serviced. No "dealers". No "salesmen".
No dickering the price like you're buying a trinket at a fleamarket. A
slimeball free experience. One price for everyone.

Open service centres dedicated to actual service. "Good Afternoon,
M'am". Which car would you like to try? Our price calculator is
available here at www..... Do you have any questions? You're here to
pick up your car? Sign here. Here are your keys to your new car!

GM: if you want my business, close ALL the dealerships. Fire ALL the
salesmen.

Don't forget the rules!

Thank you, oh great and considerate next door neighbor, for always doing
what is right. We can count on you to do the right thing, 24/7.
Because that's what you do best.

Take this morning for example. Since the drain from my upstairs
plumbing was blocked hopelessly, and I couldn't seem to unblock it with
chemical warfare, plunging or snaking, I needed the cheerful help of the
experts. Darren Binns from Regional Drain Service sent a nice guy over
to deal with my problem. Since I was exhausted from staying up late
cleaning up the poo-poo water that had poured from the toilet, flooding
the bathroom and hallway upstairs while my daughter showered, raining
poo-poo water into my basement, I forgot the rules of the road. Silly
me. When the plumbing guy parked his van with the bumper a few inches
over the line, not blocking the SHARED LANEWAY from use or anything, but
breaking the rule about how close you can park to a driveway, I didn't
notice. Since this was really the only spot near my house, and the
plumber had some heavy tools to carry in, he can be forgiven for not
following the rules exactly. After all, his priority is the plumbing.

Luckily, the neighbor was on it right away, and phoned the by-law
department to deal with this important infringement. What if a Hydro
crew had needed to get an oversized crane between the houses to replace
a pole or something, and the plumbers van was parked too close to the
driveway's edge? I'm so glad she noticed this while she was on her way
to catch the bus to work. She wasn't even inconvenienced herself in any
way, and yet had the good sense to make sure that the rules were
followed to the letter. Such a responsible neighbor.

When the by-law officer arrived, it only took a few minutes to convince
him that issuing a ticket would be taking it too far, and another
neighbor offered to let the plumber park in his laneway, since he could
just knock on my door if he needed to get his car out.

It's so important that we all follow the rules to the letter all the
time. So if your neighbors are greiving a death in the family, having a
crisis with the house, or are ill, and forget an important by-law, like
keeping the cat's registration tag up to date, parking within 8 inches
from the curb, or removing noxious weeds from the property, we should
all remember that a quick call to by-law will make sure that those
important rules are never overlooked.

Meaningless Drivel Award 2008

OK, I know this is late coming. So much drivel, so little time. You
know.

After thoughtful review, I decided I'd picked on Government and NGO's
long enough. It's time to target New Age Drivel. So....

The winner of the 2008 Meaningless Drivel Award goes to
(((((((((((((((((drum roll)))))))))))))))))))

The Lightworker Spiritual Network for this long and completely
meaningless paragraph:

When we unite our focused intent and higher emotions we can together
become a powerful catalyst for elevating the collective consciousness of
our world. We unite Lightworkers from all around the world and become
one in mind, heart and spirit. Lightworkers is a platform where
Lightworkers can connect in an environment that is tolerant and loving.
When we connect together in a unified thought we express our collective
co-creative essence and allow the process of ascension to unfold for all
life. As a Lightworker we simply mean a person who is co-creating a
peaceful and loving world, and there are a many of us!. We know you will
feel at home here and understand that you are a part of a world wide
movement that is co-creating an alternative way of life for humanity and
our loving world that we share. Lightworkers, we honor you. For we are
ONE!
One what, you might ask? No one knows. Don't ask.

Chia Obama

I'm not even kidding. Buy it here.

www.chia.com

Waiting for GodOCTranspo

VLADIMIR:
There's no good harking back on that. Come on.
He draws him after him. As before.
ESTRAGON:
Wait!
VLADIMIR:
I'm cold!
ESTRAGON:
Wait! (He moves away from Vladimir.) I sometimes wonder if we
wouldn't have been better off alone, each one for himself. (He crosses
the stage and sits down on the mound.) We weren't made for the same
road.
VLADIMIR:
(without anger). It's not certain.
ESTRAGON:
No, nothing is certain.
Vladimir slowly crosses the stage and sits down beside Estragon.
#
VLADIMIR:
We can still part, if you think it would be better.
ESTRAGON:
It's not worthwhile now.
Silence.
VLADIMIR:
No, it's not worthwhile now.
Silence.
ESTRAGON:
Well, shall we go?
VLADIMIR:
Yes, let's go.
They do not move.

Curtain.